Our neighbors got a goat. Ordinarily, with a statement like that you would assume we live in the country and neighbor is euphemistic term for the nearest house a mile down the road. But no, we live in Boise, Idaho on “The Bench” – a mere five minutes from downtown. Of course, in some parts of the country that’s still considered rural. But here, that’s pretty urban.
The goat moved in on a Sunday – a week before the Spring Solstice. It was apparently not happy with its new abode and was bleating loudly (goats bleat, right?). At first, it sounded like someone was doing horribly mean things to a child, but upon further listen it definitely sounded like a goat. However, I pushed that possibility from my mind, after all a goat in the city limits – how could there be a goat in town?
The following day the goat noise was much louder, and much more insistent. My husband decided to investigate: he peaked over the fence into our neighbors’ yard to confirm our goat suspicions. Sure enough, there was a goat – the size of their Malamute dog, Malaki.
But, it got better – or worse, we weren’t quite sure — on one side of the goat spray painted in black paint was a pentagram. On the other side of the goat, also spray painted in black paint was, “666.” Needless to say this sparked curious concern as to what exactly our neighbors were doing with the goat. Or more importantly, what they were planning to do with the goat on the other side of our fence! Warily, we chuckled about having a neighbor goat and decided there must be a good explanation for the goats present “decoration.” However, we weren’t entirely sure we were going to like that explanation.
Our neighbors are not your run of the mill neighbors. The house is owned by a single guy, a musician working as a painter to pay the bills. He had roommates to help cover the mortgage. Partying three to four nights a week was the norm and that meant loud music, horseshoes clanking against the fence and lots of alcohol consumption. In addition, six months prior to the arrival of the goat they began to construct a half-pipe skate board ramp less than a foot from our shared fence. The goat was in no way as disturbing as the half-pipe had been! We had visions of half-pipe parties with skateboards flying over the fence. Not to mention the extreme lack of privacy in our yard since the platforms on each side of the ramp were level with the top of the fence. Fortunately for us the ramp never reached skateboard-ready completion.
Despite its lack of suitability as a skateboard ramp the backyard fixture served well for goat kibble storage. They placed the goat’s food on the top of the ramp platform so that he couldn’t gorge himself between meals. This is how we came to learn the origins of the goat’s satanic symbols. Later, the same day my husband peeked over the fence, we saw our neighbor’s girlfriend atop the ramp breaking some hay (or alfalfa or whatever it is that goats eat!) off a small bale. We must have been staring as she acknowledged us from over the fence and said, “We have a goat.” She went on to explain that they rescued the goat from a crazy guy who was planning to stage a solstice sacrifice at the local university. They were only keeping him until a friend had a pasture ready for the goat.
A week later, the goat was still in residence. I had a full house, with my brother-in-law visiting. It was Saturday night at about 2 am and I was having a hard time sleeping. My brother-in-law was getting over a cold and coughing sporadically in the guest room. Our six month old daughter was sighing in her sleep – and in my ear through the baby monitor. My husband was snoring up storm next to me. In addition to all of the noisy sleepers I kept hearing a rapid, “Thump, thump, thump, thump…whoosh.” Pause. “Thump, thump, thump, thump…whoosh.” I pondered this for several minutes before the sound registered. It was the goat! He was trying to climb up the half-pipe to get at the kibble just out of his reach. Unfortunately for him, he’d get only so far up the ramp before sliding to a heap at the bottom.
I lay in bed and laughed to myself, listening to the “cough, cough, sigh, snore, snore, thump, thump, thump, thump….whoosh.” If you’re going to have a neighbor goat he really should have a half-pipe.
Jigglebumps 